talkendo: (wuh oh)
"And we all know that Ohio and Indiana make up the backwater of the Midwest, " my brother was saying.

"Oh, and why's that?" my wife, Julie, replied.

"I'll spell it for you: M-E-L-L-E-N-C-A-M-P."

"Mellencamp?"

"Wait a second!" I interjected. "Mellencamp?"

"Don't say it again!" my brother yelled.

"Why not---", I started to say before my 2 year old daughter, in the midst of her repetitious phase blurted the ineffably cute "Mewwencamp?".

My brother stopped, ashen.  I knew something was not right.  "Jimmy? What is it?"

"I...I don't think he heard it?"

"Who, Jimmy?

"The...The..." he stammered. And then it started, low and quiet almost so's you couldn't hear it.

"Jimmy?! Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes, Dave.  It's the Mellencamp.  We've summoned it."

I whirled, thinking only of the safety of my wife and child.  "Julie, take Miranda and GO!  Just get away from here!"

"But Dave..." she started, but I would brook no argument; the sound was getting louder.  I could almost make out its voice..."ooooOOUuuuur  Coooouuuuuntryyyyyyy"

"Julie, just go!  Jimmy and I will try to hold it off as long as we can. GO!"

I could see further argument fade from her face.  She grabbed Julie and fled to the car; I didn't relax until I heard the tires screeching on tarmac, fading out fast.

"Jimmy!" I bellowed at my panic-stricken brother.  "Jimmy, snap out of it.  I need you here, right now."  When that didn't work, I did what I hadn't done since we were 10.  I reached back and punched him square in the nose.  As the blood started to trickle he seemed to wake up.

"What the hell, Dave?  What's.....Oh god, we've summoned The Mellencamp, haven't we?"

"That, Jimmy, is the stupidest thing you've ever said."

As the music swelled around us, the lights dimmed and he stepped out of the wall. Black jeans, bright red jacket over a plain t-shirt and his guitar slung over his shoulder, his face was drenched in sweat and a hideously evil grin spread across his face.

"WHO SUMMONED THE MELLENCAMP?"

"Ummmm, no one", I offered lamely.  "Must have been a mistake."

"THE MELLENCAMP DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES; ONLY MUSIC!"

"Jimmy", I muttered, sotto voce, "I hope you know someway  of getting rid of this thing."

"Ummm, no."

"THE MELLENCAMP CAN NOT BE GOTTEN RID OF.  AND I AM NOT A 'THING'!"

"Ummm, yes sir.  You are clearly not a thing."

"SILENCE!  I ASK AGAIN: WHO SUMMONED THE MELLENCAMP?!"

"I did!", yelled Jimmy.  "I summoned you and now, you slimy, ill-begotten son of Hell, I'm GOING TO TAKE YOU DOWN!!!"

The Mellencamp just laughed, his demonic humor causing the house to rattle ominously around us. "AND JUST HOW, PUNY HUMAN, DO YOU EXPECT TO DO THAT!  I AM THE MELLENCAMP!  THE GREATEST SONGWRITING TROUBADOUR AMERICA HAS EVER KNOWN!!!!"

Jimmy didn't say a word, just looked that monster in his eye and laughed.  "I know something you don't like."

"OH!  THERE IS NOTHING IN YOUR PUNY GRASP OF THIS UNIVERSE THAT CAN STOP THE MELLENCAMP!"  And with that, he began to play.  He slung that guitar around and played a chord so old and so powerful that house began to rattle more.  He followed with another and another, and soon I knew just what tune he was going to play.

"Jimmy, if you've got some brilliant plan, you'd better unveil it now!  He's going to KILL US with this tune!"

"KILL!  HA HA HA!  NO, THE MELLENCAMP THINKS NOT.  NO.  YOU'LL BE MY HARBINGER, BRINGING NEWS OF THE MELLENCAMP'S PENDING APPEARANCE TO ALL THE LANDS OF THIS WORLD.  IF THE WILL NOT BOW BEFORE THE MELLENCAMP I WILL DESTROY THEM!"

"
Jimmy! He's going to sing soon! We'll be driving INSANE."

"Hang on, Dave, it's almost finished."  He twiddled some more with whatever thing he'd been toying with.  "There.   Done.  Watch this!"

He stood and walked right up to the demon.  "Hey MELLENCAMP!"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW, PUNY HUMAN?"

"I know how to stop you."

"HA! I LAUGH AT YOUR FOOLISH GAMES!"

"Jimmmyy!  This is no time for fun and games."

"This is no game, Dave.  BY THE POWER OF GRAY SMOKE!"

"WHAT DO YOU THIN......"

And then we heard it, the quiet strains of a song we all know too well.  That voice, haunting and old and worn; carrying a power and wisdom born of ages.

"Jimmy, did you...did you just summon WILLIE NELSON!!!"

"You bet, Dave.  Now we better run!"

So we ran.  As we heard The Mellencamp's keening wail and the first posing braggadocio of the coming battle, my only thoughts were of Julie and Miranda and their safety.  And the knowledge that no matter what came of this day, our world would be irrevocably changed.....
talkendo: (Default)
because [livejournal.com profile] galduric made me do it.

Rules of the game:
- list your top five favorite musical artists.
- list your top five favorite songs from each artist.
- tag five people to do the same.

Spoon
    The Underdog
    My Mathematical Mind
    I Summon You
    The Beast & Dragon, Adored
    Don't Make Me a Target

Led Zeppelin
    Immigrant Song
    Gallows Pole
    When the Levee Breaks
    In the Evening
    Kashmir

The Cure
    Killing of an Arab
    A Forest
    10.15 Saturday Night
    Fascination Street
    Hot Hot Hot!!!

Arcade Fire
    Neighborhood 1 - Tunnels
    Neighborhood 3 - Power Out
    Black Mirror
    My Body is A Cage (Live at Judson Memorial Church)
    Wake Up

Bauhaus
    God in an Alcove
    Hair of the Dog
    Hollow Hills
    Terror Couple Kill Colonel
    Nerves

And you may ALL consider yourselves tagged.  Yes, even you.
talkendo: (jerky)
Yay.  Maybe it was moving to KDE from Gnome.  Or just the recent round of software updates I went through. Whatever, I can now edit music in Audacity, then play music in Amarok withOUT going through a complete reboot!  WOOT!

Oh, and making your OWN MP3 ringtones?  Priceless.
talkendo: (Default)
why, o why would a (bad) punk band (Cartel - which from the sound of it doesn't deserve the name) record a cover of a song like Wonderwall?  Really, it's ALMOST enough to make me dig out the original just to get rid of the lingering effects of this piece of crap.
talkendo: (Default)
From my last.fm profile:

Talkendo's Profile Page


Note: and if anyone can figure a way (short of totally hacking apart my shiny new template) to insert charts over in that empty side bar over to the right there, I'd appreciate it.

Auuugh!

Dec. 18th, 2006 03:43 pm
talkendo: (Default)
In Today's edition of "Ask Mister Music"....

    Mr Music, How do I get the theme from Sanford and Son out of my head?

    Thanks!

At last

Dec. 6th, 2006 09:46 pm
talkendo: (Default)
Four days later.  More frustration than I care to count.  One (large) batch of deleted data.  Two operating system re-installs. A fresh new sound card and NOW I've got sound out of my computer and into my stereo. 

Profile

talkendo: (Default)
talkendo

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